Surrendering it all to Him.
“The proper good of a creature is to surrender itself to its Creator—to enact intellectually, volitionally, and emotionally, that relationship which is given in the mere fact of its being a creature. When it does so, it is good and happy.” C. S. Lewis
What is surrender? And what does it mean to surrender to our Creator? It means accepting that the battle has been won not on your own terms, and you are willing to give you life over to the authority of the winning side. It means taking a humble position and embracing what is now reality over how you would have had it. Then, spiritual surrender is an act of faith. It is first an act for those coming to salvation, and a continual habit of those walking with Christ. To spiritually surrender means to let go of control and trust God.
“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
Galatians 2:20
We surrender not in fear, but in hope that the One to whom we surrender has a better life for us. And His plan will never disappoint us. Complete surrender to Him is trusting in His plan for you, even when it’s scary or you don’t know why some things are happening. It says in Luke 22:42, “Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” This is the mindset of being surrendered to Him. There are three certainties we are blessed with…
-God is in control and He cares for you.
-God will never leave you nor stop loving you.
-One day, Jesus will return and bring healing and restoration.
“And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.”
Psalm 9:10
Now this is my surrendering story… the past few weeks have been hard, to say the least. I’ve been severely sick… fevers up to 104F for days with body aches, headaches, fatigue, mouth sores, rashes, sore throats, nightmares, swollen lymph nodes, etc. I’ve lost 15lbs, been to the ER twice and another doctor’s appointment, with no answers of what’s “wrong” with me. I felt completely torn apart. I’ve wept, I’ve been silent, I’ve been afraid, I’ve felt alone, and I’ve felt weak. But in it all God has been faithful. I know God has a plan for me in all this. You see the thing is… I prayed for this, about two months ago. I prayed for God to break me down, burn and refine what I am made of, and mold me into a new creation for Him. I asked God to search my heart and know me, and use me for His will. I sincerely prayed this prayer but I would have never known the outcome that would come, nor the pain that would accompany it. I asked Him specifically to grow in me a deeper love for others, trust & faithfulness in Him, and patience & humbleness in myself. My dear friend reminded and encouraged me with the fact that suffering is often a prerequisite of receiving the Fruits of the Spirit, to become more like Him. I honestly feel like I’ve been stripped down to nothing, just a body and a soul. My heart is already His, but I give Him my body to do with it as He pleases. And now God is going to rebuild me, as I’ve been reborn. This is a continuation of my story, from my last blog, where I was baptized, washed by the Blood of the Lamb. This is a refinement process. I feel so humbled before the King of the World.
In the past few weeks, I have never felt so alone yet so loved at the same time. Many of my friends, family, and squadmates reached out to me with prayer and encouragement. It was overwhelming the love I felt from them. But I was talking with my mother the other day and she asked me, “what is your love language?” I replied, “Quality time.” It is most definitely quality time, and acts of service. Neither of which I have been able to do or receive being too ill to even leave my room some days. But I realized instead of quality time with people, I had all the time in the world to spend with God. I was alone physically, yet I knew He was with me the whole time. And we spent a lot of time in conversation. I surrendered to Him and His plan for me. I gave Him my heart & dreams and my mind & body for His glory. Even when it’s not always good, when it’s dark and raining, and I feel alone. That’s when I will still rejoice in Him, for my life and joy come from Him. I am so loved by the King of the World. I take joy because all of this is in His hands. All of creation was made to praise and honor Him, so I will join in giving all the glory to Him. I spent a lot of time reading Habakkuk, and realizing that He is ALWAYS going to be beside me, in the trials and fires. I am not alone, for God is with me. So I lay down all that I am for Him, and for His glory. Everything that I do, everything that He’s given me, I give it back to Him. I have always taken pride in my strength, both physically and mentally. It’s a shield I have put up and God is slowly breaking that down, making Himself the only strength I have and need. I’m not strong enough on my own, but that’s okay. Because it’s not who I am but Who is in me, for my strength is in Him.
“Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
19 GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.
To the choirmaster: with stringed instruments.”
Habakkuk 3:17-19.
I’m still learning to be vulnerable and to surrender daily, but I believe that through my story, others will find this freedom in the truth. It’s terrifying sometimes, but sharing our stories is what brings people together. There is beautiful freedom, intimacy, and community when we share honestly. So, I encourage you to listen to God, and share your own stories.
Thank you dearly to everyone that has supported me and prayed for me. You are a blessing to me. I love you all, Clara 🙂
