World Race Training Camp Recap: learning vulnerability-
my amazing squad!
This past week at World Race training camp has been INCREDIBLE. The outpouring of love, service and support from the leaders is inspiring. My squad mates are already such close friends, brothers and sisters in Christ! We spent hours out in God’s beautiful creations; hiking Yonah Mountain Rock, camping in the birch and ash trees, listening to the rain on the tin roof, and feeling the crisp fall air, which felt a little too cool in a hammock at 3am. It just blows my mind how God continues to create every day, with uniquely colorful sunrises and sunsets, growing trees, blooming flowers and blowing winds. Anyways, this week I learned the power and freedom of vulnerability. God’s been asking me to be vulnerable, to share my stories, for a long time now. I get scared to share sometimes because I have felt shame and fear about my past. But I believe that what I share can inspire and help others. Here is a story from this past week at world race training camp…
The beginning of this week started out as the most joyful and inspiring time of my life, finally getting to meet my new squadmates in person after months of quick calls and texts. The Adventures in Missions staff, leaders and my squadmates continually poured into myself and others and I felt so blessed, refreshed and filled by the Holy Spirit. I went through each day asking God to show up and help me grow. I even was playing a “game” with God. People kept giving me things; a note, candy, oreos, etc. and I would ask God to reveal to me who I should give it away to. It was like a muscle memory game to learn to better hear God’s voice. So fun! Then Wednesday morning, after descending from our Yonah Mountain hike, we had a time for worship. As the worship leader invited us to sit in a time of restful prayer with God, I started a conversation with Him. I started just praising Him for who is but then I grew silent, not knowing what to say. Then we were invited back into singing worship, but something didn’t feel right. I couldn’t bring myself back into singing praise. I sat there listening to God and everyone singing Defender by UPPERROOM. More specifically I remember hearing about brokenness and I heard God tell me, you are still hurting and in need of healing. I questioned God, what could possibly be still hurting so much. Worship turns into a speaker session. The speaker starts talking about forgiveness. Tears turn to weeping, I realize all the hurt and brokenness of a past relationship is still weighing me down. This past relationship was hidden from many people, as I was insecure. Throughout the relationship, I became even more insecure and emotionally abused, which continued into sexual abuse. Eventually, I got out of the relationship and grew to become more confident in who I am and who God made me to be. But I never forgave this guy. And I pushed down any feelings of hurt, masking it with confidence and happiness. I thought I had found healing but I had just suppressed it all.
I’m back in the room; sitting, sobbing, being held by a friend. And the speaker invites up anyone to the front where there will be people to pray with and verbally forgive those who we feel led to. And not only forgive them, but ask God to bless them too. As it says in Matthew 5:44, “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” and in Romans 12:14, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.” Walking up to the front, I approach my squad leader: he prays, I pray, and tell him I’m forgiving and asking God to bless this guy. Feeling an immense weight lifted off of me, I return to my seat. But I’m still uneasy. The speaker then invites us to continue praying and if we need to ask forgiveness of anyone in that room. I feel a tug to approach one of my new squad mates, who is sitting right in front of me. But I’m thinking why would I need to ask for forgiveness; we just met, nothing has happened. I continue to sit there, sobbing and praying. Then he turns around telling me to come to him. Shaking, I approach him, and immediately he hugs me and tells me, “you are safe, you are loved, I will never do anything to hurt you, I will protect you and love you as my sister.” I realize God is speaking directly to me through him, as he knows nothing yet. So I share with him that I felt this subconscious feeling of familiarity about him and my ex. I ask him for forgiveness in the predisposed wall I put up between us already. And again he reassures me that I am safe, protected and if there is ever a time where it comes up again, to go to him to talk it out. At this point, I felt so vulnerable but instead of feeling fearful about it, I feel loved and seen by God. Walking in the Spirit and learning to listen to His voice is a process that I’m so blessed to be on. 2 Corinthians 3:17-18 says, “Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” I’m still learning to be vulnerable, but I believe that through my story, others will find this freedom in truth. Sharing our stories is what brings people together. There is beautiful freedom, intimacy, and community when we share honestly.
Founder of Adventures in Missions, Seth Barnes, said, “When we were children, we loved hearing our parents tell stories. We all love stories, but many of us never learn how to share our own. Stories connect us. As we’re connected, we’re protected. This happens when we first connect with the truth—the whole truth—and continues as we connect with one another. This connection proves shame has no power over us. The only power the enemy has is deception. He trades in lies to keep us from the truth and ultimately, freedom. Secrets prevent us from sharing our story, locking away key facts, and leaving out the most important details—the painful, shameful details—leading us to share only what is socially acceptable.”
I can’t put it into words, very well, how free I feel to have shared this with my community, and now you too. God wants us to be in community with our fellow brothers and sisters, and vulnerability is what helps us come together to build His Kingdom.
At the end of the week, the Holy Spirit led me to be baptized again. Without any intentions of being baptized that night, I was praying for our group and felt the Holy Spirit say, it’s your turn to be washed clean. To be made new in Him! Romans 6:1-4 says, “What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.” And Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” I’m a new creation in Him, made clean, washed by the Blood of the Lamb, and ready to share this love and light with others.
being baptized with Hannah!
I want to share these song lyrics that are written in my Bible,
“So lay down your burdens,
Lay down your shame.
All who are broken,
Lift up your face.
Oh, wanderer, come home,
You’re not too far.
Lay down your hurt,
Lay down your heart,
Come as you are.
Fall in His arms,
Come as you are.”
-Crowder
Lastly, I hope this is an encouragement to you today. Maybe you are also feeling shame or guilt about your past. I want to encourage you to speak about those things, it brings healing and freedom! If you ever need someone to listen to your story without any judgement, know that I would love to hear it. And may He fill you with His light and hope and love and peace.
Prayer requests, I ask for continued prayer for perseverance and strength in preparing for this mission’s adventure. For continued support for fundraising, I made the 5k deadline! Praise God! Next is 10k at the end of December. And for peace in vulnerability and healing for those who also share their stories.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Love, Clara
